31. As I’ve said before, and as I’m sure many of you are aware from the countless things you’ve read from her, Erin was an extremely gifted writer. She got her AA degree from El Camino in English and had always dreamed of being a professional writer. She had this amazing ability to just pour her personality and her heart into what she wrote and she had such an amazingly interesting, unique personality and such a huge, open heart that it made her writing extremely touching and entertaining. She really loved doing it and it showed. I’m so glad that I now have stacks of her writing, both on paper and on my computer, so that I can read them whenever I want and feel once again connected to her brilliance and her personality. She was funny and intuitive, able to mix her sarcastic and irreverent humor with genuine care and understanding. She must’ve wrote me hundreds of letters over the years and I kept most, if not all of them, including all the notes she wrote me in high school, folded up into those weird little rectangles and triangles. Those notes, in particular, are so much fun to read because I can follow the progression of our relationship through her perspective. There are also some poems in here, which are of course amazing, and which I will put up in a separate blog post so that everyone can read them. Here’s a picture of some of her writing, which I am so grateful to have with me and to be able to read whenever I want and feel close to her and touched by her words. For a while after her death, I spent a lot of time reading her suicide notes to me. I still do, sometimes, but now I spend more time reading these letters. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not all love letters; one notebook, in particular, is full of letters to me which she never intended for me to see, most of which are about things that she was angry at me for at the time. Those letters are hard to read, but I’m so glad to have them, so glad to still be able to hear her voice and to continue to try to understand her and our relationship.
What a beautiful way to honor Erin on her birthday. Thank you for continuing to keep her spirit alive and always sharing your love for her. Your words are genuine and thoughtful, something she always appreciated. The coffee mugs were a Christmas gift from me, with the thought you guys would each have one. She could not wait to use them, Lol. The pure vulgarity alone was enough to make that mug her favorite! Love you Aaron, I think of you, and her every day. -Jen
Thank you, Jen! I thought they were a gift and I’m happy to know they were from you. I’m keeping her vulgarity alive and still using that mug these days. I love and think about you, too, and I know that she lives on in your heart, so thank you for keeping her spirit alive, as well.