Hello,
My name is Aaron Danhi and I was lucky enough to have someone in my life for over 12 years who touched me so deeply that she changed me forever. Her name when I met her was Erin Weiler, and she was the most amazing person I have ever known. These words, over which I have such frustratingly limited command, will never be enough to describe to you the blinding beauty and profoundly deep love that I saw in her. She was practically made of love and I don’t believe there was a malicious bone in her body. Sure, she could have a sharp tongue, and I feel sorry for anyone ever unlucky enough to evoke her anger, but I know that this was rooted in her deep-down goodness and love… she just didn’t understand why we all had such a hard time being as kind as she was. She was fiercely intelligent and critical, always striving to understand this world and the people in it. That intuitive investigation of the world was guided by a caring and empathetic soul, always trying to find the good in people.
In December of 2015, Erin decided to leave this world. Again, these words will fail to describe the shattering loss that decision would mean for us. Nothing or no one will ever be able to fill the void that has been left behind. However, in addition to that void, and all the pain and tears and questions, there are also memories. There is love, just as strong and fulfilling and meaningful as it ever was, and although she isn’t here to give it to, it is still inspired by her and is therefore an extension of that love which she gave so freely. I feel my love for her and I also feel her love for me. I want to revel in it, I want to embrace it and honor it, because it’s all I have left of her.
And that’s why I’ve made this website. It’s a place to express and experience that love which she gave us and allowed us to feel. It’s a place to remember her. To honor her.
I’ve wanted to do this for some time, but fear has held me back. Not fear of you, or of the feelings, but fear of once again failing her. To me, it’s a big deal to go about trying to honor her… I feel ill-equipped. Just as I always did when it came to loving her and being her husband, I feel like it’s not going to be good enough or what she deserves. I know that I will fail to properly or accurately capture her memory, her spirit, her heart, her complex personality. But in the end, I’ve decided that the fear is stupid. I have to try. Failure is better than not trying.
As far as the website, itself… I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. It’s probably going to suck for a while as I figure it out, but here’s a general idea of what I’m trying to accomplish:
- I want the site to be a repository of memories; pictures, videos, writings, facts… anything and everything that can show some glimpse of who she was. I’ll be uploading everything I can find, trying to find a good way to organize and catalog it. I would like to make it open for anyone else to contribute such things. I’m looking into options for this, such as a simple upload form where you just give me the file and I put it somewhere on the site, myself. But also, more direct and interactive things, like:
- User-submittable photo/video gallery
- User-submitted blog posts (writings about Erin, photos, screenshots of online conversations, whatever)
- A wiki (user-editable page, like Wikipedia) that tells her life story
- I’m planning on adding a message board where people can discuss Erin, her life, her death, and the effect of those on them..
If anyone has any other ideas, ways to make mine better, or just comments or questions, please feel free to let me know (you can comment on this post, or contact me directly).
Thank you for visiting the site and for taking the time to read this. I hope that we can turn this into a proper way to honor Erin and her memory.
Regards,
Aaron
Aaron, you’ve done a wonderful job with this site and you certainly did not fail to do her memory justice. I think this is beyond amazing and such a great way to honor your wife, my friend. Erin. I very much look forward to contributing as well as reading others contributions. I have not been the same since I lost my dear friend; she always knew exactly what to say when no one else did and her love and smile could brighten up the day of everyone who was lucky enough to have known her. As I’m sure many of us feel, I only wish I was aware of the demons she was battling that she hid from the world behind her smile, and that I could have helped her just as she had helped me.
Thank you Aaron, for putting in so much work and effort into this heartfelt memorial for Erin. You’ve absolutely created an amazing way for all of us to remember Erin’s legacy and share the impact she had on all of our lives.
-Ron Newman
Thank you, Ron. I’m so glad you got something out of this and I hope you continue to do so. To be honest, I got sort of intimated by the prospect of this website and have sort of stayed away for my own stupid insecure reasons. You’re right, she was so good at knowing what to say and do, could help anybody with anything except for herself. I probably know her demons better than anyone, but she was really good at hiding them even from me. I didn’t have even an inkling that she had a drinking problem until she got fired from her job for it. I always knew she had trouble with her emotions, we worked together on them for years and I tried to be supportive and helpful, but I was also part of the problem. I know that it’s not completely my fault, she had Borderline Personality Disorder and I’ve done some reading about that and know that it makes it very hard for people like her to have healthy relationships because they don’t believe they deserve love and are constantly afraid of being abandoned. But I certainly didn’t help with my emotionally constipated, codependent behavior. I just didn’t fully understand and still don’t even now.
She was so fucking strong and suffered so much while hiding it from everyone. I wanted this website to be positive and to focus on the good memories, but I’m starting to think that that is too similar to her keeping her smile on when she’s hurting inside. I’m just afraid I won’t do a good job at discussing the bad stuff.
Well, I’ll keep working on that, but in the meantime there IS a lot of positive to focus on, so many beautiful memories and moments. So much love that she put into the world and I’m going to get back to work at putting that here on the website.
Dearest Aaron,
Thank you for creating the opportunity for family and friends of both you and Erin to share memories, hopes, tears, regrets, and visions to employ the best of what she had to teach us now in our day to day lives. She was poetic, but also bruskly practical, so I think she’d appreciate a little of both here. Much love and respect for stepping beyond fear into love to do this. You just set the example for us all.
Lisa xo
Thank you, Aunt Lisa. I hope this site can serve just such a purpose. More than anything, I want to honor her and her memory and pay tribute to the beautiful person she was.